Social Media’s constant pressure to “love yourself”

Last week season 2 of HBO’s most popular show, Euphoria, came to an end. One of my favorite scenes in this season was from the second episode. In that scene, we saw Kat dealing with the pressure of loving herself. Rue, the narrator, talks about Kat's situation, how she hates herself but the problem with that is one can’t really talk about it. “At some point, the world joined a self-help cult and won’t shut up about it”, Rue narrates.

The scene goes on to show several women, who can be interpreted as online influencers, heaping praises and pontificating upbeat mantras, calling her “brave” and “courageous”. They invalidate her emotions by saying it’s what society has instilled in her head and that she needs to smash the patriarchy and doesn’t have to live up to the beauty standards while she yells she can’t even get out of bed. The influencers then surround her, chase her and start yelling the words “love yourself”.

Sam Levinson, the director of Euphoria, perfectly encapsulated the pressure people feel to love themselves and never speak about hating themselves on social media because the flag bearers of toxic positivity will shush them and bury them in their imaginary land where everything is bright and shiny.

I will be honest with you even I have the habit of throwing empowering words at people when they talk about not loving themselves. But when I find myself in that place, I realize how ridiculous it sounds when you’re expressing your negative emotions, and in return, you are told to block those feelings and look at the bright side.

There’s no denying that our insecurities are a result of society’s high standards and obviously, there’s nothing wrong with spreading positivity and cheering up people, but when you are silencing people and not allowing them to feel the way they feel, that’s where the problem arises. Sometimes when people are complaining about their lives and hating themselves they don’t want to hear an empathetic response or unwanted praises. It’s a nice gesture, but it doesn’t really solve anything and the self-loathing stays.

For someone who has had self-esteem issues her whole life, sometimes I just want to wallow in my misery instead of putting on a brave face, demolishing the patriarchal society and beauty standards. I don’t want to hear how strong I am, because some days I just don’t want to be.

It’s impossible to live every day to the fullest. Life has its good parts and bad parts. The reality is you can’t skip to the good part, you can’t skip the bad chapters of your life, and you have to live the dreadful days.

I have made peace with the fact I won’t wake up feeling fabulous every single day, and that’s okay. We should allow ourselves to feel the negative emotions instead of ignoring their presence. I don’t have to emote positive emotions the day I am struggling just because of so-called “self-love”. For me, the definition of self-love is to feel every emotion and take my time with it, because when you care about how you feel, you are ultimately taking care of yourself.

So, to conclude, I hope you don't let social media take the steering wheel of your emotions. It's your car, you drive it the way you want to and take breaks when necessary. And most importantly, when it needs service, seek professional help.